Inner ReflectionsCounselling and Psychotherapy

Couples Communication

Getting Married? Be Clear on Your Marriage Expectations

If you’re planning to marry, you may be swept up in all sorts of yummy brain chemistry as you’re probably in the honeymoon phase of your relationship. As much as it feels good and the loving feelings towards your fiancé can seemingly lift you to the moon, this inherently causes many couples to forget to have some pretty important conversations.

As Lesli Doares, MFT and author of Blueprint for a Lasting Marriage, points out in her book, “The further they are from reality the greater the disappointment when things don’t go as planned.” Couples can really benefit from talking about how they view marriage, what it means to them, what their ideas of each of their roles are and what their dreams are for the future.

The following are a few areas - and things you can benefit from discussing with your fiancé now:

Where do you both ultimately want to live?

  • How will you handle money as a married couple? What are each of your beliefs about spending/saving money?

  • Do you both want children? How many?

  • What are your expectations about raising children?

  • If it is planned that one will stay home, will he/she rejoin the work force and when?

  • How will you handle holidays and each of your extended families, particularly if they both are not in the area?

    As with many things that can go wrong in relationships, the answer is open, honest communication. If there’s no dialogue, there’s no movement on anything! Make it a priority to explore these issues before you get married so you both have a clear set of expectations. Being clear on each of your expectations of your marriage together can only strengthen the foundation of your relationship.

    If you are experiencing problems with your partner and need help with ‘re-learning’ how to communicate with each other again – please get in touch as help is at hand. There is a possibility that you could re-visit that honeymoon phase in your relationship a second time round!

    Adult Attachment and Couple Psychotherapy. The ‘secure base’ in practice and research (2011). Christopher Clulow (ed). Routledge, East Sussex.

    Lesli Doares, M.S., MFT (2012). Blueprint for a lasting marriage. The complete guide to building your happily ever after.

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